A Talk With Grief.

Each awakening represents an opportunity of a new life. A life that is as fresh as the morning dew. The new day signals a new beginning and a new hope to live a life that surpasses yesterday’s remorseful lapses. This serves as a friendly reminder to live a life with zero regrets - a life that allows happiness to just fill in your empty cup when it wants to reside inside you. A happiness that freely sits and is not bothered with complexities. A lot of people had lived blissfully even if they had committed regretful mistakes. And that fact is a good measure of how they look at life and how they value it.

As I wrote the paragraph above, I do not belong to the kind of people who never takes time to worry of their past blunders. I haven’t reached that point in my life – a worry-free life. Day by day, I still look back to every mistake done. And as I do that, my tears rundown like a waterfall. No matter how hard I convince myself to not to ponder on those memories they keep on coming back, like my brain is their permanent address and at times they return unexpectedly. I hate it when I cannot foresee the things that pass by me. I never want to see myself being defeated by those mere images of the past anymore. I do not want the thought of myself crying so hard and eventually break down. At the moment, my cup measures half happiness and half regrets. I, sure, am happy and contented of the life I was given. I know my life is a gift from up Above. But I do not know how to associate the elation I possess to the dejection I hold. I guess I had embraced sadness too tightly that is why it is so difficult to just let it drift away from me. Even if I declare to have found my happiness still animosity will always rush in and take the former’s place. Yes, I found my happiness this time but I’m not quite sure if that happiness caught a sight of me.

Grief and I, we were talking a few moments ago. Grief was the one who induced me to write this. I deeply wish my happiness did not ask for a sign for I wasn’t there. But this time, I will be the one to plead for a certain sign. I am not a strong believer of it but just this time I will take this rare chance. Maybe and just maybe it is what was willed from the very beginning. In the end, what I want is an overflowing happiness that all the cups in this planet will be filled, not just mine but everyone’s. After all this is our place and we all deserve not just a touch of it but happiness as a whole.

Rest assured that Someone is watching over you and that Someone will never leave you. The happiness I’ve found at the moment may not be the real happiness for me but I know, that Someone has placed my happiness somewhere and I will continue to lead my life in journey of it. Someday soon, I fully know my cup will overflow.

frustration.

June 17, 2006

The Gins has fallen - that's what everyone says. It's true, they lost the battle. Red bull managed to suppress the Gins with their team work. Before the game started I was so sure it would be a close match but then I was mistaken. The Gins was incapable to take the advantage. There were a lot of opportunities though, but still they were unable to grab it.

I'd like to comment on one placard which says: "Never say die is dead!" You're completely wrong mister. How can that Ginebra spirit be dead? Is it because they lost? Ha! That's ludicrous, sir. The team played their hearts out during that game. Giving up wasn't in their senses. They strived so hard to cut down the lead, gave their very best in every possession. They were like risking their lives for that ball. And you call that spirit dead? Oh c'mon, are you kidding me? Well, we're entitled to have our own opinions but I strongly disagree with yours.It just wasn't their time. After all, we respectively have our own time to shine as well as our time of downfall.

I just wanna stress this out, the 'Never say die' spirit of Ginebra will withstand it's splendor. In no way will it expire

what is your deepest fear?

Coach Carter asked Timo Cruz a couple of times, "What is your deepest fear?"

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Magnificent God

Each morning i wake up

A new day is ahead of me

Wondering what to do

Wondering what to say

I don't have any clue

Except with You by my sideI can do all things.

Your love brings light to my life

Your grace keeps me up all day

Your spirit enlightens my soul

My God, You're my all in all.

As i continue my journey

I don't need to agonize

Cause You're here with me

You are my strength

You are my hope

Lord, i trust in You.

You are my God

Your mercy endures forever

You are my King

Your love is everlasting

You are great, Magnificent God

I'll forever proclaim Your name.

written: may 2006

It's For Real

sleepless nights i had thinking of you..
countless messages i sent just to be noticed..
but you didn't bother to respond..
i reached the point of confusion..
not knowing my actions..
can't understand how i truly feel..
is this what they call love?
when all you do is to day dream..
and try to figure things out?
to become conscious of what's right and wrong?
to be hurt and cry all night long?
if it is.. then i'm guilty..

recalling the time i knew you..
i knew right then..
cupid struck..
anxious - that's how i felt..
never thought of knowing you..
it was a bliss.

one day, i caught myself arguing with my thoughts..
if it's love i feel or just plain enchantment..
asked a couple of friends..
say, i'm in love, that's what they said..
i kinda know how i feel..
but is this for real?

depression came..
i hated it..
all i ever thought of was you..
learning about how things were going..
meeting up with the girl you like and communicating with other else..
hey, i was envious..
it's worst than depression..
i can't hide it..
people would perceive that i have it..
but what can i do?
i don't have a choice..
BUT
to let this intuition go..

though it's heartbreaking but i have to..
it's the only thing that's left for me to do..
it hurts..
yes, it badly does..
cause all along i was taken by you..
just to be aware you don't feel the same..
it pains to hear a sad truth..
i need to accept it..
feel it and live my life with it..

thoughts of you makes me fathom in grief..
how foolish i was, wasting my time..
i know for a fact it's not you whom i'll end up with..
and for sure im gonna find someone better than you do..
someone whom i deserve to have..

i hate to say this..
I LOVE YOU
but
GOODBYE
this i speak and swear for my whole life..
not to fall for somebody like you..

im wiser now..
and stronger than before..
this i know..
it's for real..

written: april 07, 2006.